


A Turning of Years

by DarkMarxSoul



Category: Mario & Luigi RPG (Video Games), Super Mario & Related Fandoms
Genre: Action, Action/Adventure, Comedy, Gen
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-08-24
Updated: 2016-09-30
Packaged: 2018-08-10 13:04:43
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 16,369
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7846168
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DarkMarxSoul/pseuds/DarkMarxSoul
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>After his defeat at the end of "Mario & Luigi: Bowser's Inside Story", the Beanish villain Fawful is plucked from near-death through unknown means. Undeterred by his defeat and virtual demise, Fawful springs back into action to take over the Mushroom Kingdom and enact revenge on his enemies once more. Hilarity ensues, but before long it becomes apparent that something is grievously wrong with the world, and Fawful is at the centre of the events which must set it right.</p><p>Takes place in a "canon" separate from and unrelated to my other work from 2009-13, "The Chaos Trilogy", which also stars Fawful alongside a host of other Super Mario characters.</p><p>NOTE: "A Turning of Years" is currently on indefinite hiatus, and may never be continued. See my deviantART account for details.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Prologue: "If you see him …"

Prologue: "If you see him …"

???

 

The sound that cut through the sky was like the splitting of the earth.

A low and powerful boom resounded through the entire world, bringing with it a primal vibration of air particles that shook the surface of one's skin and dug down through muscle, then bone, then marrow, and which plucked at every nerve in the body at once. Fingers shook, chests tensed, skulls rattled. The brain itself seemed to quiver and buckle under the stress, creating splitting headaches, blurred vision, sickening nausea, and a deep, fundamental feeling of _dread._

The boom was followed by a flash of light, and then the sudden shriek of rushing matter and strong suck of air, before the world rumbled again and grew disturbingly still.

Three figures, a male and two females, moved as quickly as they could through the rural outskirts of the town. The normally serene expanse of green plains, dotted with hills that sported curious eyes, was dark despite the noon sun that shined overhead. Powerful blusters of wind blew through the grasslands, making the greenery hiss dangerously, and debris and harsh dust whirled in the air. Two of the individuals were taller and clad in leather cloaks to protect their bodies, but the third—a red-spotted, female Toad brandishing a single spear with which to protect them—was scraped and cut on her exposed limbs and head.

All around them, chunks of the landscape glowed and imploded out of existence, battering their bodies with the booms, the shrieks, and the rushing of air as if into a vacuum, before growing still and irrevocably changed. As each patch of land underwent its monumental destruction, creatures erupted onto the scene—some benevolent and utterly confused, others bloodthirsty or simply aggressive.

"Enemies!" yelled the male as a horde of creatures made of stone charged towards them, a mixture of fear, bewilderment, and rage in their eyes. He held out his palm and let loose several blasts of energy that soared forward and lit dim air with their glows. Several of the foes were felled in quick succession, while others fled.

"Watch out!" the Toad cried, stabbing her spear fearfully at a few stragglers who had come too close. "A … a million things are coming from everywhere!"

The cloaked female leapt forward and hurled deadly projectiles, swiftly knocking the remaining foes unconscious. She edged over to the Toad, placing a hand on her shoulder. "I know it's scary, Jan," she told her, "but we've got to hurry up. We're already running out of time real fast." The Toad apparently named Jan gulped and nodded, her expression terrified.

They ran again, and Jan looked to her two companions, hoods drawn closely over their heads. Their bodies were low, their legs pounding with effort as her own feet did.

She was afraid for them. A lot rested on their shoulders.

"We'll be okay, right …?" she asked them quietly. Neither of them answered; she decided to pretend they couldn't hear her over the wind.

Another boom, rush of wind, and flash, and more enemies rushed at them. Dozens poured out of a nearby stronghold this time, this group a mixture of frazzled humanoids and great, roaring beasts with sharp tusks and hanging trunks. The beasts bellowed and rushed them as one; the cloaked male responded by firing off a few blasts from his hand. The glowing projectiles hummed as they soared through the air before bursting almost harmlessly off the thick hides of the monsters.

The male gave a cry of alarm just quickly enough before one of the monsters jumped on his body, pressing him into the earth with its weight. The female figure cried out and hurled her weapons at it; they embedded themselves into its body, but did not move it.

The male pressed his palms against the underbelly of the beast and let forth a powerful blast of energy, hurling the squealing monster into the air before he leapt to his feet and staggered away from its landing place.

The two girls both took down a couple of the humanoid enemies, but sweat was beading on their heads. "There're too many!" the Toad yelled to her companions. "What … what are we going to do?"

"We've got to just go!" the female said.

The monster came back down to the ground with several sickening _crunch_ es; it laid there lamely as its various fellows rushed to its aid. More creatures were swarming in the air, circling every landlocked figure, and many other creatures simply ran around erratically, gripped by fear and confusion.

The beasts ran towards the trio, who all braced themselves for combat.

" _Yaaaaargh!_ " said someone, their voice a high-pitched, broken shriek.

A dozen spears suddenly soared out of the air and came down upon the foes, peppering the monsters with the weapons' metal tips. A chorus of pained squealing erupted from every one; outnumbered, the beasts fled. The three of them staggered as the ground quaked under the monsters' footsteps, leaping out of their way as they departed.

Once their foes fled the three individuals found themselves face-to-face with a large band of Toads. Dozens and dozens of the tiny people surrounded them, some clad in robes, others not. All of them quivered with fear, from the tips of their toes to the tops of their mushroom cap heads. Many were picking spears off the ground, retrieving the ones that had missed their marks and hit the ground uselessly.

One of the Toads, one with yellow spots on her cap, waddled over to them as quickly as her feet could carry her, huffing and puffing the entire way. "Oooooh …" she groaned, directing her attention to the two cloaked ones. " _Whooooaaaa_ nelly it sure took a long time to get to you guys! You're so _fast!_ Do you have any idea how hard it is to run without legs?" Barely stopping for breath she motioned to her large, round feet, connected directly to the bottom of her torso. "It's really hard! I remember when I was in elementary school and we would all do races for gym class. And I remember always losing against the Koopas, and I always figured it was because, you know, they have legs!"

"Oh man!" Jan stepped forward enthusiastically. "I know what you mean! I remember one Christmas I asked Santa to bring me a pair of legs so I could run really fast and beat all the Koopas, and it was like, the _only_ thing on the list at all. Haha, that sure was an awkward present! Mom really—"

"Yeah, uh, maybe we should talk about your silly leg problems later!" the cloaked female shouted to them both, exasperated. "Because I don't know if either of you noticed, but!" She motioned wildly to the world around her, and another boom that shook their bodies allowed her to rest her case.

"R-right!" The Toads gulped, and the yellow-spotted one turned to the rest of her fellows. "Come on guys! Let's protect these two!" The Toads erupted in a chorus of enthusiastic battle cries, brandishing their spears in their pudgy little hands.

With the horde of little mushroom people moving around them, everyone continued their run. While the ones in cloaks kept their eyes forward, Jan turned to look at her yellow-capped kin that came up beside her. "S-so!" the other Toad gasped mid-stride. "What's your story?"

"I'm Jan T.!" the red-capped one chirped. "I'm trying to keep these two safe."

"And they're going to stop all this?"

"Yeah!" Jan T. nodded. "I need to get them out of here, and they can fly off and find some help abroad, I guess. Then we can make all of this awful stuff stop happening!"

Another explosion made the entire group pulse like a wave as all the Toads groaned and covered their heads; no enemies appeared to attack them this time. "S-sounds good!" the yellow-spotted Toad gasped, visibly and audibly sickened by the chaos happening around them. "And uh … how are they going to go find help? Where are we taking you guys?"

"It is ahead," the male said suddenly, a pant escaping amidst his words.

The group stared into the distance—as they ran they could see a large building growing on the horizon. The building was undeniably solid metal and surrounded by a host of generators that even in the midst of the mayhem chugged along, creating power. Two eye-like windows peered at them from afar, but no lights were on inside them.

"We're close," the female said. Her breaths were quivering.

They approached the double doors to the building and the phalanx of Toads separated to let the two of them pass along with their Toad guard. The cloaked female approached the doors and knocked on them; there was no answer. She banged on them with her fist, making a dull _thunk!_ sound with each strike. "Hello?" she shouted. "Anybody home?"

The male barked at her impatiently and pushed her aside. The palm of his hand glowed for a moment before he blew the doors in with a deafening shockwave that made all the Toads jump and scramble for cover. He walked inside.

The female frowned, visibly slighted. "No need to be _rude_ …" Jan T. felt a pang of sympathy for her.

The inside of the building was dark and cold. The air was chilled, and the artificial, cool nip of the metal floor against even their soled feet made them tread slowly and carefully, their arms drawn close to their bodies. The whole place smelled sharp and clinical, an effect made subconsciously worse by the steady humming of the generators outside that subtly vibrated the walls of the complex.

Aside from that humming, all else was silent. Not a single thing moved in the darkness.

"It's tough to see," the female said quietly, squinting. "What are those machines doing if they can't light this place up?" The male remained silent, moving carefully through the rooms; even his silhouette was gripped by tension. He motioned to his companion and they continued.

They moved through the building, passing a wide variety of machines and other devices plugged into the walls by a multitude of cables both thin and thick. Still, the place was entirely empty, and its owner seemed to have gone. The three dreaded to think of what might have happened to him; had he simply disappeared, or …?

At last they approached an elevator, surrounded on both sides by cables running down the walls. Two large, metal doors remained closed before them, and above those doors was a large sign that displayed a single word in block letters: "LAB".

"The rest of this place _isn't_ a lab?" Jan T. asked, raising her eyebrows.

The male pressed the button next to the doors and they immediately opened with a hiss, followed by a computerized voice made incomprehensible by static and pops. They stepped inside and pressed the only button within; the doors then shut, putting them in total blackness.

They descended smoothly, with nary a lurch of their stomachs. A few seconds passed before they felt yet another explosion from above, this one extremely close; they gripped their heads and staggered, and the entire shaft shook violently, rattling their teeth and making the elevator screech and groan. The computerized voice attempted to give them a warning, but its words were impossible to understand.

"I think that one took out a chunk of the building!" the Toad cried. "This is crazy!" Sweat beading on his forehead, the male patted a pocket beneath his cloak, taking comfort at the familiar weight inside it.

The cloaked female looked at her male companion. "You've gotta get out of here _fast,_ " she said, "or this whole place is going down with you in it." He nodded.

The elevator stopped at the bottom at last and opened its doors; an ever-so-faint light shone in, illuminating their worried faces. The two figures finally let down their leather hoods and stepped into the room, their Toad companion following.

This room was even colder, the metallic scent far more powerful. When they first passed the room's threshold the robotic voice attempted to welcome them to the lab. They all jumped as a wave of static crackles passed through the entire floor and the lights above flickered on, dimly illuminating their surroundings.

"Wow!" Jan T. exclaimed, her mouth dropping open.

The entire floor was a massive expanse of different workstations. Machines and conveyor belts lined the hallways and tools of various kinds were hung up on the walls, gleaming faintly in the light. Arranged sporadically between the various mechanical devices were shelves, into which were crammed rolls upon rolls of blueprints, miniature models made of wire or wood, and half-finished machines or vague concept prototypes that wouldn't have functioned for the world.

The entire basement was a hub of mechanical wonders and monstrosities that spoke of a genius either filled with too much vigour, or not nearly enough. The male sniffed indignantly at the chaos, while the two girls' wide eyes drank in the entire sight.

The three walked down the hallways as quickly as they could without disturbing the silence of the laboratory. It was evident that it was this place the generators were powering at the expense of the upper level; aside from the overhead lights, the display lights on the machines around them blinked slowly, their inner mechanisms periodically whirring and clicking, giving the huge room a sinister, eerily alive quality.

"I bet it's just the lights," the Toad said, shakily drawing closer to her allies. "It'd be less creepy if they were all the way on." Neither said anything in response.

After a moment, the female prodded the male on the shoulder. "Hey …" she whispered, almost so quietly Jan T. couldn't hear her. "You don't seem normal. What's the matter?"

He gave her a quick glance. "… nervous," he said, his voice stiff.

"Really?" He nodded. "I guess you're not really used to this sort of thing happening often now, are you?" He sighed and shook his head. "Well, don't worry! Everyone's got total faith in you!"

"I sure do!" the Toad chimed in, her voice as chipper as she could make it. The male smiled at them both in turn, but only slightly.

At last they found what they were looking for behind a large set of mechanical doors. The female pressed the button and they opened with the same hiss as the elevator. In the room beyond was another machine—this one large, glossy, and golden, with a pair of glass doors on the front. The colour stood out starkly against the monochrome metal of the rest of the room, warm and almost garish. Several cords were plugged into it, and it seemed to be receiving the majority of the generators' power.

The two cloaked figures looked back at their Toad companion, then at each other. They both had apologetic looks. "I … think you should probably go," the female told her. "Get somewhere safe. We'll take it from here."

Jan T.'s eyes widened. "Are … are you sure? I can still help—"

The male snapped his fingers loudly and a loud crackle reverberated through the room, accompanied by a spark that flashed from the digits. "Go!" he barked. "Now!" The Toad's heart leapt out of her chest and she turned around and sprinted out of the room, back towards the elevator to the perilous surface.

She heard the doors close behind her.

 

* * *

 

They approached the machine, and as they did the male felt his heart pounding. This was it. Once he went on his way, there was no going back. Not until he could stop all of this.

He tapped the doors with his fingers and they slid open with a quiet _woosh._ The inside was fully lit by bright, white lights. Like a dentist's office.

They stood together in silence.

"Well …" the female muttered. "I guess this is it."

"Yes." The male nodded.

"It's going to be okay. It'll be like … riding a car."

"Fast car," the male said.

"Yeah, but …" Her voice trailed off; she changed topics. "You've still got it, right? The shard?" The male nodded again and pulled an object out of his pocket; it was a cracked, jagged stone coloured deep blue. It glowed and sparkled faintly, and felt warm in his hand. "And that should get you where you need to go?" Another nod from the male.

They spent another moment in silence, their hearts both anxiously beating in their chests. "I …" the female whispered. "I'm kind of scared." The male nodded in agreement, swallowing nervously. "You'll do it, right? You'll find help and you'll stop this?" He nodded again.

They hugged each other, the female resting her head briefly on the male's shoulder. Then they let go, and the male stepped inside the machine. He took one last look at the girl beyond and gave a small wave as another violent explosion wracked the world above. "Good luck," she said to him, waving back. "I believe in you."

The male turned around and was prepared to close the doors when she spoke one more time. "Oh! One more thing." He turned back, eyebrow raised. "If you see him …" The girl smiled, a grin of levity and more than a little bit of humour. "Tell Fawful I said hi."

The male chuckled and closed the door. The world outside disappeared with a _woosh._

 

\---

 

DarkMarxSoul Presents:

 

_A TURNING OF YEARS_

A Super Mario Fanfic

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well well well! Happy anniversary to The Insane Smiles, and to The Chaos Trilogy as a whole. Seven years ago today on August 24, 2009 I began a fan fiction project that would quite literally change my life, and probably the lives of quite a few others as well, at least temporarily. It gathered a fair bit of attention to be sure, and was one of the greatest times of my life. I hope old readers of The Chaos Trilogy have fond memories of it to look back upon, and I also hope that new readers who have just stumbled across this deviation here would consider giving The Chaos Trilogy a read-through before continuing with this one. A lot of people do consider it pretty great. You definitely don't have to, though; the Trilogy is a pretty daunting read. 
> 
> Anyway, The Chaos Trilogy ended on May 24, 2013, and this account has seen nothing but inactivity since then. Very recently I decided that enough anniversaries had passed with no fanfare, and wanted to commemorate the seventh with something a little bit more substantial. To that end I would like to present to you all a brand new project I have now begun: 
> 
> A Turning of Years.
> 
> There's a lot about this new project I would love to say here, but I don't want to clog up this description with anymore laborious text. I'll have a journal on my deviantART either in the wings or uploaded as we speak to give you all more information on what to expect, so wait for that patiently if it isn't already up.
> 
> For now, I hope you are all prepared for the new ride I have begun to create, and that you enjoy every inch of the experience as much as I will.
> 
> —DarkMarxSoul


	2. Chapter 1: Waiting Like an Elevator

Chapter 1: Waiting Like an Elevator

Fawful

 

_"What? You're still at it?"_

_"You…mustaches…with…why…fury…whenever… Fawful…just wanted…some kingdom conquering… Fawful tried… Fawful gave the 110 percents… Fawful worked the overtime… Fawful was the team player… Fawful put in the hours… Fawful got the hands dirty… But every time… Always… The mustaches…arrive… Always in Fawful's way… Alwaysalwaysalways…"_

_"Look, give up already. Seriously, get over it. You're done with evil."_

_"I have remorse… Fawful understands… Fawful gives up… Fawful will disappear with no troubles…"_

_"Sounds good. No more evil, OK?"_

_"Here Fawful goes… The disappearing… Forever disappearing… WITH YOU!"_

 

* * *

 

An enormous, toothy grin was the last thing Fawful wanted them to see before he wiped them from the face of existence.

Those loathsome red and green men, standing there staring at him past their ridiculous bulbous noses and furred upper lips, white-gloved fists clenched. He hated them. He hated their irritating, babbling voices; he hated their idiotic fashion sense, their bright shirts, blue overalls, and caps marked with their first initials; he hated the worn leather of their shoes as they came down on his head and the cold metal of their hammers as they crashed against his body. He hated the painful memories they had made and he hated the wretched present they had forced upon him.

He hated everything about them. If he was going to perish, then they would perish with him.

So he grinned his toothy grin, he bellowed out his final declaration, and then he reached deep inside himself. He burrowed into his soul, caked in the horrible energies of the Dark Star, and pushed it outward with his entire will.

He felt his being bulge dangerously, and his shadowy body grew outward like a thick bubble. A pressure pushed against him, starting as a dull ache and growing to an agonizing series of throbs that wracked his body. But carrying him through the pain was a fire, a surging emotion that rendered him incapable of feeling anything else:

_Fury._

Fawful's body exploded, a massive shockwave and a torrent of darkness pouring forth towards his hated enemies, who turned and ran in a futile effort to save themselves. Their screams were the last thing his ears heard, their alarm the last thing his eyes saw.

His world was wiped away. There was no sound, no smell, no taste, no feeling. The colour and depth before his eyes gave way not to darkness or to white, but to _nothing._

In his soul, Fawful was strangely aware of his own existence. He could feel the cloud of darkness that was once his body begin to dissipate and dissolve in the air. He could feel his soul's attachment to his physical form begin to weaken, his ties to the tangible world fading away. He could sense a presence, a place—a world of darkness and cold. The Underwhere.

Fawful was dying.

Somehow, he felt at peace with this. He had done his best. He had made his mark. And he had destroyed his enemies. The afterlife was all that was left for him.

Then a sudden cataclysm shook him, felt by the scarce remnants of his body. A wave of powerful force struck the dark cloud, shaking each particle of matter to its core. Fawful's consciousness shook as his body shook, and then he was overtaken by a rush of high-speed motion, as if he had been gripped by a giant and hurled through the air fast enough to burn the skin off his bones. Sheer panic and sickness welled up in him, and a deep, disturbing confusion.

He spun through existence for what seemed at once like a second and an eon, before he suddenly crashed.

Fawful's experience of reality immediately became fuller; what was originally an abstract, indescribable spiritual awareness was suddenly replaced by a barrage of senses and the presence of his physical form. The taste, smells, and sounds of wilderness assaulted his brain while blurred greens and blues spun before his eyes.

The worst, though, was touch—he felt like he was rolling painfully across the ground.

This was, of course, because he was rolling painfully across the ground.

Suddenly occupying a body, Fawful spun head over feet on a wide expanse of green grass, burning and scraping his skin in his momentum. After a dizzying several seconds, he came to a stop and lay there on his back, disoriented, in pain, and baffled.

"I … have …?" he groaned, too muddled to finish the thought.

Several minutes passed before his mind and body were clear enough to comprehend anything. He sat up, clutching his head with one hand and his stomach with another, looking around.

He was in a vast and open field, very green and smelling strongly of grass and the sweetness of flowers. A calm breeze drifted through the area and caused a faint whisper as it blew the grass, the blades swaying in sync. The wind was cool and tickled his skin. The heat of the afternoon sun shone down on him, the climate of summer relaxing his muscles and allowing his mind to rest.

He lay back down again, breathing deeply, feeling his chest rise and fall, letting the rays of the sun warm him. All was quiet, and the wind had already become ambience.

This was nice.

Then he sat up with a jolt as he realized he could barely see.

"Glasses!" he shouted, then coughed and groaned; his throat was dry and hoarse. "Wh … where are they?"

He leapt to his feet and staggered, weak and unsteady. He took a few steps into the blurry environment before he made his second horrifying discovery:

"Cl … clothes …" he whispered, staring down at his bare green body. "Wh … where …?"

"Hello stranger!"

Fawful spun around to see a short figure with a head larger than its entire body, adorned with large, red spots. The Toad waved at him for a moment before he noticed his companion was not wearing any clothes, at which point his hand fell to his side.

A beat passed; the two of them were silent.

Then Fawful screamed.

"Interloper! You vex Fawful in a moment of shame! Shame that laughs at Fawful like cruel, fat, chortling children! TURN YOUR EYES FROM FAWFUL!"

The Toad then screamed as well as the Bean leapt forward and smacked him across his oversized head, sending the Toad twirling on the spot.

"Yowch!" he cried. "Wh … who even are you?"

 "I am Fawful!"

" _Why are you naked?_ "

" _I am Fawful!_ " the nude boy screamed again in hysterics, striking him once more. "And to peeping toms whose eyes have hunger for bad sights, _I have fury!_ "

"I … I'm not peeping at anything!" the Toad wailed. "Why are you doing this to me?"

" _Fury!_ "

Several minutes of madness passed as both individuals screamed at each other before the Toad turned and fled, leaving Fawful to turn around and sit on the ground, his knees pulled against his chest.

His entire face was flushed; he could not believe this was happening.

"Um …"

Fawful leapt to his feet again and spun on the Toad, who screeched in fear and scrambled backwards, falling onto his rear. "W-wait!" the Toad cried. "I want to help!"

Fawful ceased his assault and sucked in his breath before stepping backwards and covering himself with his hands and arms. He let his breath out in a long puff and stared at the Toad-shaped blur, saying nothing.

"Um …" the Toad said again. "I …

An awkward moment of silence passed.

"I … guess you must be from the Beanbean Kingdom, huh?"

"That has correctness."

"Is … is it nice there?"

"Fawful is not knowing."

Another moment of silence.

"Why … are you naked?"

Fawful gave a loud _hmph!_ "Idiot mushroom head of stupidity! Your questions badger Fawful's head and give him pain! Where my clothes and robe have gone, I am not knowing!"

"Geez, all right, fine!" The Toad held his face in his hands. "I wasn't even judging you!"

"Good, that has sense!"

After another moment, Fawful's new companion gave a long sigh. "Look, naked green guy—"

"Fawful!"

"Look, _Fawful._ I don't know what you're doing out here, and _you_ don't know what you're doing out here, but …" The Toad made a motion that Fawful interpreted as pointing into the horizon, back the way he had come. "If you need help, you could come back to my house and we could …" The Toad sounded like he would rather be anywhere else at the moment. "We could … fit you up with something …?"

Fawful flushed harder at the thought of turning to this idiotic creature for help. "I … n-no …"

"Okay then see you later!"

The Toad spun around and began quickly walking away, his little feet shuffling hastily through the grass as he muttered to himself.

Fawful watched the blur quickly retreat. Beads of sweat were beginning to form on his head as the bare reality of his situation started to expose itself to him.

Alone. No weapons. No technology.

No clothes.

The Toad yelped as Fawful sprinted after him, yelling and waving his arms wildly.

 

* * *

 

Hollyville was a town situated rather far from the crown city, but this did not detract from its splendour. It was a sizable place covered in a vast variety of houses, from simple and wooden to Mushroom-shaped luxuries, and was a constant buzz of activity. A wide variety of creatures including Toads, Koopas, Goombas, and even the occasional Shy Guy were spread out across each of the town's districts, chatting noisily amongst their neighbours and keeping the markets and recreational areas constantly alive. Flowers lined the paved streets and allowed a multitude of background scents to assault Fawful's nostrils at all times, and the din of music rose from some indeterminate location—some band of musicians plucking strings and blowing into reeds. Everything was colourful, bright, inviting, and friendly; it was a picture-perfect example of happy Mushroom Kingdom hospitality.

That hospitality did not extend to strange, naked foreigners, apparently.

As the Toad and the Bean awkwardly walked through the town, a trail of silence followed in their wake. The sounds of bubbly conversations would briefly cease as they passed, and a host of wide and incredulous eyes would follow them, all of them staring at the tiny green boy totally devoid of sensible attire. Mothers covered the eyes of their children, teenagers snickered amongst their friends, and one particularly disorderly Goomba shouted something about getting the Beanbean Kingdom to build a wall, which received a swift series of angry rebuttals from his neighbours.

Fawful's entire face had turned from green to beet red, and for the first time he prayed for Jaydes herself to reach out of the ground and pull him into the aftergame he had freakishly avoided.

"Mushroom man," Fawful whispered furiously. "Fawful demands to know the location of the place which you are living in."

 "It's … across t-town …" the Toad answered, equally mortified.

"Fool!" the Bean shrieked loudly, attracting more onlookers.

"Don't shout so loudly! Do you think I _like_ this?"

"Hey, Kan T.!" called another Toad. Their green-spotted acquaintance skipped up to them, a broad smile on his face. "You were out for a while!"

"Yeah, uh, I … don't think this is the best time—"

"Nonsense! Every time is the best time!" The green-capped Toad smiled broadly. "Who's your new friend? Is he a fashionista?"

"A … a what?"

"Someone down on the latest fashions!" The Toad leaned in and cupped his hand around his mouth. "You know, don't tell anyone this, but I've been thinking of trying something like that myself!"

"D … don't do that, please …"

"Yes, listen to your friend!" Fawful spat at the new Toad. "Your mouth spews nonsense like filthy garbage out of sewers!"

"Ouch."

"Your children weep tears from eyes that have sorrow at the idiocy of you!"

" _Ouch!_ "

The Toad named Kan T. pushed Fawful aside. "What do you want, Duss T.?"

"I was just wondering if you were going to be here for the festival in a couple weeks. It sounds like it's going to be so much fun!"

"Yeah, sure." Kan T.'s own face was growing red as more and more people were staring at them; he had begun inching away from the other Toad. "I'll be there."

"You going to bring your cool new friend? I'd love to see him again!"

"If you have the quick departure," Fawful hissed, "then Fawful will appear with great surety! His presence will shine on your face!"

"Wow! Okay!" Duss T. knuckled a seething Fawful on the cheek and turned to leave. "Me and my face will be ready for you!"

"Oh yes …" the Bean whispered to himself. "Ready for the _fist of Fawful_ …"

"Please never talk to him again," Kan T. begged. "He honestly will start going naked." Fawful grinned at him; the Toad reflexively backed away at the large set of teeth.

After nearly a half an hour's walk into town, they finally arrived at Kan T.'s abode: a quaint little house made of wood and nearly spherical, with a number of glass windows around its surface. "This is it," the Toad sighed. " _Finally._ "

He opened the door and the two stepped inside.

Fawful's eyes widened as they met innumerable blurs spread across the house's living room, the sight of which was followed by at least a dozen childish voices yelling: " _DADDY!_ "

The small army of Toad children rushed the both of them in a soft earthquake of footsteps and jumped onto Kan T., taking him to the ground in a ruckus of giggles and high-pitched screaming. Kan T. made a great show of yelling in terror, nearly submerged under the tiny bodies.

Fawful inched away from the Mushroom pile for a few moments before bumping into another body. He leapt back in surprise and found himself staring directly into the eyes of an extremely surprised Toad woman with blue spots, clad in an apron. "Kanny?" she said, her voice high even for a Toad's. "Who's this little boy?"

Fawful's indignant growl was drowned out by the cries of the Toads. Kan T. crawled out from under them and shooed them away; they scurried off to the various corners of the house. "Hi sweetums!" he said, smiling and giving her a big hug. "I have no idea _who_ this weirdo is, to be honest, even though I think he's yelled his name at me at least twenty times."

" _Fawful!_ "

"Yeah, see? In one ear and out the other."

"Uh huh …" The female Toad put her hands on her hips and looked the Bean up and down. "And he's not wearing anything becaaaaause …?"

The two looked at Fawful for an explanation; the most he could offer was a shrug. "I am not knowing. I had the waking up in a field, and the clothes that were once belonging to Fawful had vanished like naughty ants!" The woman looked at Kan T. with a deep frown and a raised eyebrow; the male Toad grinned sheepishly.

" _Well,_ " the female Toad said in a puff of breath. "I've never been one to turn away any weird naked kids my husband brings home!"

"This is the first time that's happened …"

"And I'm not about to start now!" She waddled up to Fawful and smiled, extending a hand. "I'm Bit T. My friends call me Bitty."

"What is the difference being?"

"Oh you!" Bit T. whipped her hand back and turned around. "Such a _silly_ boy. We should probably get you something to wear!"

Kan T. and Fawful followed her into one of the rooms, where she began to rummage around in one of the dressers, this one bright pink. "You're a pretty small one, but I don't think any of my children's clothes will fit you, so mine will have to do."

Bit T. spun around and revealed a bright pink dress decorated with lace that was woefully Fawful's size; the boy's face flushed with embarrassment once again. "Fawful will not have the wearing of _that!_ " he cried.

"Sorry, that's just how it is!" Bit T. whipped the dress at the boy with such force that it knocked him over, and he spewed out a garbled cry.

"Couldn't he wear one of mine?"

"Don't be silly, Kanny!" The woman shot him a fierce look. "Besides, I think he'll look _adorable,_ don't you?"

After several moments of protesting and struggling with the zipper, Fawful reluctantly stepped into the dress, which fell just below his knees and left his little green legs bare and exposed.

"I have fury …" he said, his voice shaking with anger. "To humiliate Fawful so …"

"Come on," Kan T. said, his voice empathetic. "It's not so bad. More boys should be wearing dresses these days!" He was met with a growl.

Together, the two Toads led the nearly-blind Bean into one of the bedrooms. "There's a spare bed in here while our oldest is out on vacation," Bit T. explained. "You can sleep here until you're ready to go."

"An event which will have soonness!"

"I sure hope so!" They closed the door.

Fawful was left alone. Exhausted, he trudged over to the mirror at the end of the room and looked into it; his blue eyes were heavy and marked with deep rings, and he found to his dismay that the untimely reconstruction of his body had not given him anymore hair than the usual small black tuft on his forehead. He flicked it.

Fawful groaned. "I have tired …" He slumped down on the floor.

This was absurd. He was stranded in an idyllic town filled to the brim with this imbecilic Mushroom people, left without clothes on his back or a single invention to his name. How could he come back from _this?_ It was impossible.

"… _no._ " Fawful forced the word out hard and caked in malice. "Fawful does not give up. Fawful never has the giving up!"

The Bean leapt to his feet and began to pace back and forth across the room, hands behind his back, flicking the zipper on the back of his dress. "This is merely a setback," he muttered to himself. "A setback set back by a king of cruelty, a king who laughs at his subjects in a castle made of chortles! But this king will not have the ruling of Fawful, oh no!"

Fawful suddenly felt a burst of energy surge through his body, and he sprinted across the room and threw himself on the ground. "Fawful will have the ruling of all!" he shouted. "He will sit on a throne of crying children and hurt the faces of foolish Mushroom men, and the men of red and green!"

The boy flung himself backward and struck a convoluted pose against the wall. "I scoff at struggles!" He ran across the room and pointed a finger at the glass window. "I rise with passion!" He jumped into the centre and splayed his limbs out like a star. "And I! WILL! _HAVE! FUR—_ "

"What're you doin'?"

Fawful froze in his pose, eyes wide; a hot chill buzzed up the back of his neck. Slowly, he turned around to see one of the couple's little children staring up at him, a thumb in his mouth.

The two of them stared at each other for a moment; then, Fawful's mouth slowly grew into a massive grin.

"I will tell you," Fawful said softly, kneeling down the small amount required to get on the boy's level. "I am waiting like an elevator. Once more, Fawful waits for the press of a button, called by a customer of evil. Soon, his doors will open and bad plans will enter his body, plans that will bring pain to the people and their faces."

The boy's eyes widened with awe. " _Whoa_ …" he whispered.

"Whoaing is what you are doing, yes!" he beamed. "For Fawful bakes pies of whoa like they are mere microwave dinners!"

"I want pie!" the kid exclaimed, giggling.

"Then you will have the pie of Fawful!"

"I wanna help with the pie!"

Fawful stood up and smacked his palms against his legs, and the hem of his pink dress swayed. "Then you shall have help!" Fawful strode across the room and rummaged through the drawers, taking out a pen and several sheets of paper. The young Toad watched as he furiously scribbled a variety of items and instructions on them, before the Bean placed them together and threw them into the arms of the boy. "Now go! Fawful is requiring all of these with great haste!"

"Okay!" The boy spun around and sprinted out the door, the papers shuffling in his arms.

Fawful stared at the open door, his mind processing what had just happened. He blinked, frowning in confusion for several moments.

Then, he smiled; it was as broad as any he had ever made, full of anticipation and wickedness from ear to ear.

" _Soon,_ " he whispered. "The fury of Fawful shall begin again."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter 1 of A Turning of Years is here and that means the story proper can finally begin! After an interest-piquing prologue, we can finally sink our teeth into the meet of this fic:
> 
> Fawful acting like a doofus.
> 
> The main purpose of this chapter is humour. It was actually quite difficult. I never wrote anything specifically to be funny before (humour has always taken a place in the background of all of my works), so I was a bit nervous taking on this sort of task. I hope I managed to live up to my expectations! Especially since the next several chapters will be following suite in much the same way as this one.
> 
> It's also been quite a while since I've written Fawful himself, so I had to shake off quite a bit of rust. I think I did a good job though.


	3. Chapter 2: Rise to Low Fashion

Chapter 2: Rise to Low Fashion

Kan T.

 

As Kan T. breathed in the noontime air, he couldn't help but feel cheated.

It was a beautiful day—the sunshine was warm and inviting, the flowers were colourful and pleasant, and the bustle of people in the market normally lifted his spirits and awakened his inner social butterfly.

The irritating grins and snickers from passersby, however, were wearing on his patience.

He and Bit T. strolled through the market square, the Toad woman chatting up people in the midday crowd and shopping at the quaint little stalls that had been set up. Some fruit here, some bread there, some friendly conversation everywhere. One tiny Toad child had their own tiny stand set up and was selling crude dolls which had clearly been made in ten minutes total.

"Oh Grambi Kanny look he's so cute!" his wife gushed at him. "We _have_ to buy at least one. No, two! Or maybe five?"

Kan T. frowned at the miniature kiosk, which proudly displayed _"DOLLZ"_ in bright red letters above the grinning child. "But what about the rest of the kids?"

"Who said anything about the kids?" Kan T. sighed at his wife.

Fifteen coins poorer and carrying eight dolls, the two Toads walked across the square. The man sighed again, a high-pitched blubbering that came out of his mouth. His wife looked sidelong at him. "What's got you down?" she asked.

Kan T. averted his gaze from two passersby—a Goomba father and his daughter, the latter of whom giggled at him. The Toad was working hard to keep his blood under control and away from his face. "I don't want to talk about it. Seriously," he added as Bit T. began to protest. "It's no big deal. It's just … people are …"

"Are what?"

The little man fidgeted anxiously, feeling small ripples of heat travel up his cheeks. "People are—"

"Ahoy you two!" one chipper Koopa called out to them from a market stall.

Eager to escape the conversation, Kan T. waddled quickly up to the stall with his wife in tow. "Hiya friend!" he beamed at the Koopa, who stood behind a counter filled with scrubbers and jars of liquid. "Whatcha got here?"

"Hey bub! These are shell waxing kits." The Koopa smiled at them. "They'll make your shells slick and smooth. You want some? Just kidding!" He laughed at his own gag, and then scratched some dust off of the side of his green shell. The Koopa put his elbows on the counter, looking at them expectantly. "But uh, if you have any coins to spare, I could give you some anyway. It would help for the renovations."

"Renovations?" Kan T. asked.

"For the festival!" The Koopa motioned to the space around his stand; rough lines were plotted out on the ground. "It's coming really soon, and I have to have better wares and more of them. Maybe I'll try selling … skin waxing kits? Is that a thing?"

"Don't be silly!" Bit T. chirped. "Nobody wants shiny skin!"

"Yeah, true." The Koopa stretched his arms. "You two doing anything for the festival?" They shook their heads, and he gave Kan T. a grin and leaned in close. "And what about _that green guy,_ huh?"

Kan T.'s entire face flushed red. "What _about_ him?"

"Is he coming?"

"Heck no."

"Kanny!"

The Koopa gave a series of raspy cackles that made Kan T. bristle in embarrassment and irritation. "Just make sure he wears clothes when the guests of honour arrive!"

Kan T. made a squeaky grumble to himself and spun on his heels; he didn't see his wife give the Koopa a few coins out of pity. "Kanny, come on," she said, taking a soft hold of his hand. "Don't be so silly."

"Everyone keeps making fun of me!" he protested, waving his arms wildly for emphasis. "Everywhere I go it's, 'Hey Kan T., where's the naked kid?' 'Hey Toadie Boy, did you lose your nudist?'"

"But he's not a nudist!"

"But what if he _is?_ "

"Then the kids will have a lot of questions by the time we get home." Bit T. sighed and put her hands on her hips. "Just calm down. Everything's going to be okay. Look!" She motioned around her. "It's a beautiful day, the festival's soon, and we're all going to have fun. Okay?" Kan T. sucked in his breath and puffed out his cheeks. " _Okay,_ Kanny?"

"… _okay,_ " her husband replied in a puff of air. Bit T. smiled and held his hand.

The two of them walked home, and as they did Kan T. forced himself to think positively. His wife was right, as usual—he had a lot of reasons to be happy. The sun was shining; the scents of flowers were in the air; Hollyville was bustling with friendly activity as excitement for the coming festival was growing; his super cute wife was at his side, a little smile on her face.

Sure, a weird green kid had suddenly come into his life. Sure, he had been forced to walk through town with him while the kid had been stark naked. Sure, people were still giving him looks and giggling as he passed.

Sure, Duss T. had been sent home by the local watch for not wearing any clothes in the morning.

But life was good.

 

* * *

 

Kan T. opened the door to his home and gave a strangled gasp of horror.

His house was a mess—the furniture had been completely rearranged, with entire couches, tables, and drawers shuffled around at random, or pushed up against walls and suffocating his houseplants. His living room rug had been rolled up and was sticking haphazardly out of a closet. His entire dining room had been gutted, with decorative plates and candles strewn about on the floor and various foods sticking to the walls and ceiling, including an entire chocolate cake which had been partially eaten and partially smeared all over his television.

What was more, a series of bizarre-looking devices had been set up all around the main area of the house. What appeared to be a variety of different sewing machines that had been taken completely apart and reassembled into a multi-part monstrosity was pushed to the side of the room, along with tables covered in a variety of different clothing materials. Wool, velvet, and silk were to be found among others, mostly in different shades of red and gold. In addition to all of this, black and brown leather sat amongst the rest.

Other more clinical machines were set up in the middle of the room, on the space where his beautiful, sweet rug originally laid. One appeared to be a large grinding device, while two others had appliances made from metal and greyish plastic that Kan T. could not decipher. A smaller area which clearly had containers of various chemicals in it was also set aside near the host of machines. Raw glass, metal, and plastic resin were placed—where else?—on the floor without a care.

What got his blood _boiling_ were his children; they were all spread throughout the house, running to and from each machine and lugging materials larger than they were across the wood floor. Their voices rang out in excited glee as they worked the devices and crafted the materials, the entire horde covering the house in a cacophony of noise and vibrations from their mouths and pattering feet.

And at the centre of it all was _that green guy._

"Oh!" Their bizarre guest turned his head to watch them enter; he was seated on top of five of their children, with two supporting his backside on their heads, two providing support for his back, and one functioning as a living footrest. They giggled amongst themselves, and the makeshift chair swayed with their jittery movements. "A welcome to you two! Fawful is hoping you enjoyed your scurrying through the town!" A broad grin was on his face, as it had been nearly non-stop all morning.

"Wh …?" Kan T. sputtered, completely speechless with anger. So much blood had rushed to his head he could feel his mushroom cap internally pulsing like a heart.

"I …" Bit T. said, her mouth open in shock.

The male Toad immediately charged into the room, his stubby feet plodding as loudly as he could make them be on the wooden floors. "What in the name of all that is good and holy is _this?_ " he screeched, and for the first time in a long time he wished Toads could have deeper voices.

"Workshopping!"

"' _Workshopping?_ '" Kan T. repeated incredulously.

"I say to you, yes!" Fawful hopped off of his five kids and brushed off the same pink dress Bit T. had picked out for him earlier. "The world has played a vast joke on Fawful, a joke that hurts like the stings of bees who have fury! But to the world I say, fah!" He snapped his fingers at the children, and two of them ran off to another room without a word. "The world is not knowing the ingenuity of Fawful, nor his determination and resolve! I am left with nothing? With no clothes to cover Fawful's body, with no glasses to clear Fawful's sight? Then I will make them myself!" The two Toad children scurried back to his side carrying a cup of steaming liquid. The Bean took a brief sip, then patted them both on their heads. " _Aah~_ " he sighed contently. "Hoolumbian."

"We … don't have a coffeemaker …" his wife said quietly.

"Your oven now has coffee."

"You _destroyed our oven?_ " Kan T. yelled.

"Improvement!" Fawful corrected him loudly. "You will have the thanking of Fawful when your meatloaves and pies have been replaced with hot, happy nectar from cheering beans!" He took another sip and began to walk over to the sewing machine amalgamation and the children who manned it; Kan T. pursued him, roiling with frustration and outrage.

"This is ridiculous! I invite you into my house and you just … just …"

"Everything is so messy …" Bit T. whispered.

"Yeah, what she said!"

Fawful spun on his heels and looked over his two mortified hosts with his wide, staring blue eyes; he made a thoughtful face and put his finger under his lip, and for a brief moment the many Toad children paused to look at the confrontation between the three. "Yes …" the Bean muttered. "This has truth. Messy like secret sauce. Too messy for mushrooms of red and blue. Fawful must have clean."

Then Fawful grinned again and clapped his hands loudly; all of the Toad children snapped to attention. "Loyal toadies!" he declared with bombastic charisma, pointing at all of them collectively in turn. "This home is covered with mess! It churns Fawful's stomach! Do your stomachs churn also?"

" _YEAH!_ " rumbled the many children.

"Then clean! Scrub until mess cries out for mercy, and then do not give it!"

With a sound that could only be described as a battle cry and a tremendous series of quakes, the Toads bolted throughout the house. The children tore open closets and emerged with a host of cleaning supplies—brooms, mops, soap, buckets—and immediately got to work. In a flurry they began picking up the food and loose supplies, scrubbing the floors, and brushing away the dust.

Fawful looked over his dutiful protégés with satisfaction, his hands on his hips, but Kan T. was scowling deeply at him. "This is just … it …" He was seething. "My kids aren't your servants you little green weirdo! Get out of my house!"

He took a step forward, pushing up his sleeve, but was halted by Bit T.'s hand across his chest. "No," she said.

" _No?_ "

"N … no." He looked at her; her eyes were wide with wonder as she looked upon her children cleaning the house with a lighthearted glee Kan T. had never seen before. Bit T. swallowed and nodded, still staring, a smile slowly growing on her lips. "No. Let's … let's keep him, Kanny."

"You can't be serious."

"Let's give him whatever he wants."

"You're being crazy!"

Without another word, Bit T. left her husband's side and took the boy's hand in both of hers, dragging him into their bedroom towards the closet. "Oh you sweet, sweet, wonderful, helpful boy!" she said, the words tumbling out of her mouth in her excitement. "What are you doing wearing that ridiculous dress still? My husband surely has something more fitting for you!"

Kan T. watched in horror as her wife began rooting through his clothes, tossing shirts, vests, and pants haphazardly onto the ground. As he watched, the crushing weight of hopelessness began to settle on his shoulders and visions of the future danced through his mind, filled with machines, pandemonium, the enslavement of his children, and coffeemakers.

He froze as Fawful turned his head to look at him and grinned widely, a look of victory on his face.

The Bean winked at him.

 

* * *

 

The next few weeks were worthy of a placement in the Underwhere for eternity, in Kan T.'s _extremely unbiased and objective_ opinion.

Day in and day out the freaky green kid had the run of the house, totally turning it upside-down. More machines and varieties of chemicals were brought in to get his various creations working _just_ the way he wanted them, and nothing ever satisfied him—the robes weren't red or shiny enough, the leather clothing wasn't flexible or tough enough, the clothes were too small or too big, among other endless complaints. Time and time again he sent their children back to the drawing board to make more things more effectively, and Kan T. was beside himself with worry at what could happen to his children if they had an accident.

And that was just the _clothes._

Kan T. found himself watching Fawful and the kids while they worked, after they had moved even more of their belongings outside onto the front lawn to make space. The green teen stood on a few of his children and stooped over one of the machines, shaping a piece of glass with a grinder while more Toads held things in place. "You know," Kan T. said, his arms crossed, "I really don't like you standing on my kids."

"Apologies," Fawful said, then moved to a sitting position on their bulbous caps instead. Kan T.'s eye twitched.

"What are you even doing there?"

The Bean removed a large disc of clear glass from the machine, curved on the front and back. "I have optometry!" he declared loudly, his voice echoing around the house; the children laughed at him. He slid himself off of the Toads and skipped over to Kan T., who backed away unconsciously at the sight of his approaching teeth. Fawful leaned his face in close and placed the glass lens between his own eyeball and Kan T.'s; as the Toad looked through it, the Bean became a green blur. "Fawful has had blindness for a time that is far too long for his liking, and this is inappropriate for his plans. To bake the pies of evil that he will serve to you and the rest of your mushroom houses, his vision must be the crispness of the crust!"

"P … pies?" Kan T. repeated, his head spinning.

"Yes. Pies."

"But our oven only bakes coffee—"

"Fawful is not needing oven!" Fawful spat, spinning on the spot and returning to the grinder. "Only glasses befitting of Fawful's baby blues!" He snapped his fingers and barked, "Come have help!", and one of the Toad children began adjusting the placement of a tool in the machine.

"Oh, Mr. Funny Green Guy Sir?" the child said. "Shan T. says she mixed all those funny liquids just the way you told her to!"

"Liquids?" Kan T. demanded, snapping back to attention.

"Ah!" Fawful clasped his hands together. "Tinting dye!"

" _My kids are making dyes?_ "

"And coatings!" At the sight of Kan T.'s face reddening once more, Fawful made an exaggerated pleading face. "Do not have such rage, mushroom man of red! Do you want the eyes of Fawful to burn like eggs which are overcooking?" Without waiting for Kan T. to say "yes", the Bean hopped energetically across the room to inspect Shan T.'s work.

Swallowing his emotions, the Toad walked out the front door to find his wife reclined on a chair in the front yard, sunglasses on her head and a glass of liquid in her hand. "Kanny?" she said.

"Yes, _sweetie?_ "

"Can you get me some more lemonade?"

The male Toad's anger burst like a bubble, and Kan T. let loose a shriek of frustration. In his outburst he snatched the sunglasses off of his wife's head and threw them across the yard; they struck their living-room lamp with a _clang!_ and landed on the grass.

"Kanny!" Bit T. gasped, jumping out of her chair. "Do you have any idea how expensive those sunglasses are?"

"No, and neither do you, because _that weirdo_ built them from scratch!" He balled his hands into fists and rubbed them up and down his face, groaning loudly. "How long has he been here for?"

"I don't know … a week? A week and a half?"

"And look at what he's done in that time!" Kan T. gestured wildly around their front yard, which was covered in various household appliances and furniture. "He has completely destroyed our house, none of our kids are going to school anymore, and even the preschoolers are doing … doing _slave labour!_ Slave labour, Bitty! Does this look like the Koopa Kingdom to you?" He stomped his foot on the ground; it rustled the grass. "We have to kick him out right now!"

"But _Kanny,_ " the woman whined, looking at him with pleading eyes. "They clean the house so well! I don't think I've seen the floors so shiny before!"

"That's because there's nothing _in_ the house anymore!" Kan T. retorted. "Our entire air conditioning system is in the backyard! I don't even think he _needed_ that, I think he's just messing with me!"

"Don't be ridiculous, Kanny."

"Oh come on, you've see the way he looks at me! With that stupid, huge grin of his …"

"He _always_ looks like that."

"It's different when it's me!" The man leaned in close, glancing back to make sure the Bean wasn't listening to them. "I swear on Grambi's beard," he whispered, his hand blocking the side of his mouth, "he rearranges my side of the bedroom while I sleep, _just enough_ that I notice."

"You're going crazy."

A sudden muffled bellow of _"I have gastronomy!"_ shook the walls of their home, and the sound of something very large and metal being torn apart followed.

Kan T. suppressed a convulsion. "This has to stop," he said fiercely. " _Please_ make him leave."

Bit T. retrieved her sunglasses from the ground and placed them back on her head, then grasped her husband's hand and looked into his eyes; the man saw himself reflected in the lenses. "Kanny." Emotion was heavy in her voice. "Please. I'm begging you _._ " She drew closer, and her next words were a desperate, tired whisper: "Please don't take my vacation away from me."

Kan T. gaped at her for a few moments; the only response he could give was a nonsensical squeak. Bit T. kissed him on the cheek and returned to her spot on the lawn with a relaxed sigh.

The male Toad stood there in stunned, mortified silence for several minutes, avoiding the eyes of the numerous neighbours who had stopped to look at him. The Bean's raucous laughter echoed from inside the house, accompanied by the unmistakable sound of a laser cutting through wood flooring.

Kan T. sunk to his knees and wept.

 

* * *

 

It took no less than two months for Fawful's projects to finally be complete.

Two horrible, grueling months of increasingly absurd antics passed, during which Kan T. could barely sleep. More and more of his furniture was displaced, long-held belongings were deconstructed and reassembled into makeshift devices, and his children lagged so far behind the rest of their classes that he feared the year was simply forfeit for them. By the time the Bean was done, their home was unrecognizable in its chaos and disorder.

At least, Bit T. said, the children had learned how to clean.

Yes. Wonderful.

It was with a heavy and tired heart and mind that Kan T. returned home on that final day, opened the door to his home …

And was met with perfection.

Everything was back to the way it used to be— _better,_ in fact. The floors had been reinstalled, the walls had been repaired and repainted, all of his old furniture and appliances had been restored or replaced with better models, and the entire house smelled warm and clean, with the faintest hint of ground Beanbean coffee. The place seemed to glow with prestige and modernity, and it was as if the place had been built yesterday.

The Toad's mouth dropped open and his eyes widened enough it hurt. "Wh … I … _how …?_ " he stammered.

"Kanny!" Bit T. ran out of another room, bolted to the front door, and wrapped her arms around him in a big hug. "Look at everything!"

"Bitty, I … what is all this?" He let go of her and took a few shaky steps into the house, staring in bewilderment at its pristine condition. He genuinely pinched himself and did not wake up.

"I have propriety!" bellowed a voice from behind him, and Kan T. jumped a foot into the air. When he spun around, Fawful was standing in the doorway sporting his usual manic grin and meeting the Toad's frightened eyes. "For a time of much longness you had the thinking! Yes, the thinking which bounced around in your head like a frightened little mole!" The Bean did a little jig on the spot as he spoke, bouncing his body with levity. "You had the thinking that Fawful would never leave!"

"I …" Kan T. felt his face redden with embarrassment and a little bit of guilt. "W-well—"

"You also had the thinking," Fawful continued, "that your house would also have mess forever." Then he laughed, a high cackle that still rattled the Toads' ears even two months later. "You underestimate the charisma of Fawful, and the energy of your little red and blue Toadies!"

The two Toads looked at each other; Bit T. gave her husband a smile, as if to say _"I knew it would work out."_ Kan T. sighed and returned the gesture; he could feel his anxiety slowly seeping out of him, after so, so long.

Together they led Fawful to his new belongings; though he was clad in rather humble clothing that had been purchased from a tailor down near the town's busy centre, he had packed up the results of his (and their children's) hard work in a bag they had given him, which he picked up from his bedroom.

Once everything was in order, they led him back to the front door (newly built and gorgeous). Bit T. shook his hands with energy, beaming at him. "I'm _so_ sorry all the children are at school again," she said. "I'm sure they would love to see you off."

Their guest nodded. "Fawful understands. Education has importance!"

Kan T. stepped forward and gave another sigh, smiling at Fawful in a way he somehow knew must have looked exhausted. "These last two months have been really tough," he admitted, "but you made it all worth it in the end. I'm sorry for being so hard on you, and uh …" He glanced around his new home. "Thanks for the renovations!"

Fawful gave a dramatic bow. "Fawful thanks the Toads of red and blue for their hospitality." He turned around. "Now Fawful will have departure. Goodbye!"

They watched him walk for a few moments before shutting the door.

The two Toads stood together in the silence of their house; the lack of activity and noise was almost unwelcome after all this time. "Well, that happened," the man said. When he looked over to his wife, he noticed she was frowning and staring at the door. "Is something wrong?"

"Glasses …" she muttered.

"Huh?"

She turned to look at him. "He wasn't wearing his glasses. The ones he spent so long making?"

"…huh." Kan T. put his hands on his hips, puzzled. "You're right. That's weird."

A strange moment of silence passed between them.

"…Kanny," his wife said.

"Yes, sweetie?"

"Did he seem … familiar to you at all?"

The man thought hard. "Uh … I don't … think so?"

"I just feel like I've … heard of him before."

The next moment of silence unnerved Kan T. deeply, and he felt a weird chill move up his spine. "I'm … sure it's nothing," he said.

"…yeah. You're right." She giggled. "I'm probably just being silly!"

Bit T. walked off, but Kan T. took one more moment to look at the door where the Bean had left, feeling as though he were still here grinning at them.

 

* * *

 

Night had fallen.

Outside, the sunny skies and warmth had given way to a darkness that blanketed itself over the town, and a soft chill that sent the denizens to their beds. Hollyville had gone quiet.

Inside, Kan T. and Bit T. tucked in each of their many children, sending them off to sleep with hugs and kisses. After the multitude of Toads went hushed and their chatter faded away into the rising and falling of their chests, their parents walked out into the living room on their way to their bedroom.

Kan T. shivered.

Now that the darkness had come, a disturbance had rooted itself in Kan T., constricting his chest and gripping his shoulders tightly. He walked forward withdrawn, his arms close to his body, and he glanced around nervously.

Bit T. placed a hand on his shoulder. "What's wrong, Kanny?" He looked at her quizzically. "You're all tense."

"Oh." He hadn't even noticed. The Toad tried to force himself to relax, but it was more difficult than he imagined. "I don't know Bitty, I just feel … weird now that the green kid is gone."

"Really? I thought you'd feel better after he left."

"Oh, I do. _Trust me._ But …" He took a long breath. "I don't know. I just feel like … something's wrong."

"Is it the new coffeemaker?"

"The oven is _fine,_ Bitty." He huffed and rubbed his face with his palms. "It's probably nothing. Let's just go to bed."

The two of them retired, but Kan T. could not go to sleep. After his wife had begun to dream, Kan T. remained awake, staring at the ceiling worriedly. Above them, the brand new ceiling fan that the Bean had installed for them spun rhythmically and with the softest hiss the Toad could hear.

Suddenly, a _clang!_ rang out from the kitchen.

Kan T.'s heart leapt in his chest and his eyes widened; sweat began to form on his palms. He rose out of bed and looked over at his wife. "Bitty …" he whispered. "Did you hear that?" She was asleep.

The Toad puffed out his cheeks and drew his arms around himself. It was probably nothing. One of his kids must have set a pan wrong and it fell over. That was all it was.

But he had to go check.

Kan T. looked out into the darkness of the rest of the house, nervously swallowing some saliva. He got to his feet, put on his slippers, and then took a moment to steel his nerves before quietly sneaking out the bedroom door.

He crept through the halls of the house. The darkness of the night had invaded his home and covered every inch, the shadows hiding everything and everyone within them. Eerie winds moved outside and blew the creaking windows, letting small shafts of moonlight filter through the openings and illuminate the ground before him; unknown silhouettes seemed to squat throughout the room, staring at Kan T. through eyes he could not see.

Shivering, he made his way to the kitchen and flicked on the light.

The Toad breathed a sigh of relief; a pan was sitting on the floor, its handle jutting upwards. "Whew!" he breathed as he picked up the pan and put it away. "Guess that's that."

And then the faintest whisper came from behind him:

" _Fury._ "

Kan T.'s scream of terror was muffled as a heavy sack swallowed him whole and the light from the kitchen disappeared from his view. He struggled in vain as his kidnapper tied the sack together with rope, then began to drag his body along the ground.

A _flick_ signalled that the kitchen light had gone out. The poor Toad was dragged quickly across the living room floor and out the front door, the latter of which was shut as they left.

Fawful left Hollyville with Kan T. in tow, giggling quietly to himself.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Guh I was supposed to post this at midnight but I forgot. orz
> 
> Anyway Chapter 2 is here! Yyyyyaaaaaayyyyy go me for punctuality.
> 
> Much like the previous one, this chapter's focus is humour. Unlike the previous chapter, some stuff actually does get done in this one—we do, after all, have to follow Fawful's harrowing adventures to acquire his clothes. Think of it like a training montage, except it takes an entire chapter and involves child slave labour instead of physical exercise.
> 
> I decided to put Fawful into a secondary role in this chapter and give the honour of the point of view to Kan T., my Toad OC for this fic. I felt it was probably a good idea to shift the attention to him to see how Fawful might look to another person, and how much absurdity the Bean puts others through that he probably wouldn't notice otherwise.
> 
> oh who am i kidding he totally notices
> 
> Hope you enjoy and have a few laughs! :3
> 
> The next chapter should hopefully go up on September 30. I don't see anything getting in the way of that, but I admit I am a little anxious about Chapter 4 on. I've only just started third year of university and already the reading material is crushing me under its enormous girth. I will do my very best to keep this schedule, though!
> 
> (As an aside, Chapter 3 should go up on the day that Final Fantasy XV was scheduled for release. This makes me weep on the inside. :"c)


	4. Chapter 3: Seeking Residence

Chapter 3: Seeking Residence

Kan T.

 

The sun was barely beginning to rise when Kan T. was finally untied. Immediately after seeing it open just enough to allow his head through, the Toad thrust his oversized noggin through the opening of the sack and screamed bloody murder; the Beanish teenager winced at the shrill sound.

"No!" Fawful yelled, and he kicked the sack over onto its side, which Kan T. met with a pathetic sob. "No no no, you will not have such noise! The noise makes Fawful's ears writhe with woe!" Kan T. screamed again, this time for help, and the Bean sighed. "Perhaps your eyes must feast on _this?_ "

It was then that Fawful picked up a very intimidating bat and brought it down onto the grassy ground next to Kan T.'s head; at the hard _thunk,_ the Toad's eyes widened and his voice dropped to an airy quivering.

Fawful grinned widely, and the Toad's entire body shook with fear he could see reflected in those teeth. His captor leaned in close, and now Kan T. could see that he was wearing his glasses—large and thick circles of glass tinted with a swirl on each lens which began at their centres and spiraled outward towards their edges. The glass glinted in the rising sunlight.

"Wh … who are you …?" he whispered.

" _I have fury!_ " Fawful shrieked, stomping a black boot onto the ground repeatedly. "Long have I planned such plans that would make your silly spotted cap deflate like a sniffling balloon if you had the hearing of them! Long have I fought against the boots and hammers of red and green mustaches that I hate, the boots and hammers which made Fawful's face cry out for its mother, always! Always always always _always!_ Such planning and such paining, all for one goal of greatness!"

The boy with the massive set of teeth twirled around in several circles before striking a dramatic pose, both of his hands pointing towards the sky. "Mushroom Kingdom, all for me!"

"F … for you?"

"Yes!" Fawful ran up to him and Kan T. howled in fright, trying to roll away to no avail. "A kingdom of loyal toadies to sing Fawful's praises! Houses and houses of blorbified Toads, rolling like melons for Fawful's amusement! Statues bearing Fawful's greatness in every home to bring the smilies to all of the girls and boys!" The boy hugged his arms around himself and made a prolonged cooing noise, grinning widely to himself. "I am having the shivers of joy just from the thinking of it!"

Then his demeanour underwent a sudden shift; a ripple of emotion went up and down his body. Despite the fact that his smile did not waver, Kan T. could feel waves of anger radiating from the Bean's body. He turned around and began to pace away from the Toad. "But," Fawful said, his voice low. "But but but but but."

He spun around abruptly to meet Kan T.'s eyes, and the Toad's heart leapt into his throat. "BUT!" Fawful shouted at him, before dropping his voice to a whisper. "Always. Every time. Fawful's most hated enemies. The mustaches of red and green."

"M … Mario—?"

" _And the Bowser as well!_ " the Bean screamed, and this time his smile gave way to a face contorted in rage. "Always they arrive, in Fawful's way, hurting Fawful and foiling his plans! It gives Fawful _fury!_ And now, _you …_ " A shiver went up Kan T.'s spine at the last word, uttered in malice and offense. Fawful walked slowly up to him, staring at him through those round, glinting glasses. The boy smiled again, and the Toad felt himself shrink. "You are not even knowing my name."

"You …" Kan T. gulped. "You fought Mario …?"

"I say to you, yes! Yes, yes, a yes which is being said one thousand-fold!" The Toad heard him stifle a growl and watched him pace again. "Perhaps I should give an introduction which has more formality."

The Bean jumped high into the air and then landed on his feet before swiping his arm to the side; a glossy red cloak rimmed with golden fabric billowed in the wind, attached to his body by a gold chain across the front. Beneath the cloak, Fawful's body was clad in a black leather top, along with pants, boots, and gloves of the same colour and material. "Red mushroom of ignorance and foolishness!" he bellowed at Kan T. "Your boots should have the shaking and your knees should have the knocking, for you look upon a villain whose power and evil rage, rage like milk from angry cows stomping on the faces of heroes!" He made another flourish with his hands. "For I am the one from Beanbean Kingdom, the one who had the stealing of your poor princess' voice! I am the one who had the blorbifying of you Toads and had the taking-over of your prissy pink castle!"

One more spin ended with one more absurd pose. "I am Lord Fawful!" he declared with his wide grin. "And I am ruling the world!"

And it was in the pause that followed that everything clicked for the captive Toad; his eyes widened as newspaper articles and emergency alerts from years past flashed through his mind. The voice incident, where foreign criminals from the Beanbean Kingdom had stolen the voice of their princess and retreated to their homeland, with the Mario Bros. and Bowser soon in hot pursuit; the blorbs epidemic, wherein countless Toads had ballooned to enormous size, and their heroes and princess had disappeared soon after.

Whether alone or with a cohort, at the heart of both incidents had been a strange green boy with a massive set of teeth, a pair of large glasses, and a set of lungs that never quit.

_Fawful._

Fawful must have seen the look of recognition on Kan T.'s face, because his expression turned smug and he laughed heartily at him. "Now you are seeing!" he said. "Your eyes have clarity for the Fawful who is standing before you!"

Kan T. eyed the large, metal bat that the teen held at his side and shrunk in the sack he was trapped in, shivering. "Wh … why are you doing this to me?" he whimpered. "What did I ever do to you?"

The Bean gave a few solid strikes against the ground with the bat, pacing with his manic grin and gleaming glasses. "Once, very recently," he said, his voice low and sinister, "the brain of Fawful was bursting with plans, plans to bring the waves of woe onto Mushroom Kingdom and its little mushroom Toadies. The blorbs, the brainwashing, and the Dark Star of dark power which you and I can only have the dreaming of … all pieces had fallen like dominoes into the pattern of Fawful's great victory! But victory was not the fate which Fawful was fated for. No. It was only pain. Pain, and death, and a fury greater than the world. But now, after disappearing for a time of great briefness, the fury of Fawful has reappeared."

"B … briefness …?" Kan T. repeated shakily, staring at him. He took a deep breath and summoned enough bravery for a defiant retort: "A … a million years would be brief before we'd have to deal with you again!"

At this the grinning teen cackled loudly into the air, walking with exaggerated swagger over to his captive and pulling him to a sitting position with both of his hands. He gripped the sides of Kan T.'s head tightly and pulled him close. "Such bravery have you! You spit words of hurt which wound Fawful like slappy flyswatters! His skin cries out for mercy and you will not let him have it!"

" _W-what is your problem?_ " Kan T. squealed into his face. " _Why can't you leave me alone?_ "

"Because!" Fawful shot back. "The fury of Fawful cannot rage on its poor lonesome! It is needing a loyal toady!" The Bean leaned forward, fixing Kan T. with a satisfied gaze. "And what better to be the toady of Fawful than a frightened little Toadie such as yourself?"

"I'm not going to help you, you freak!"

"We will be seeing!" The Bean laughed again and picked up the bat. "But for now you must sleep! Nighties!"

Fawful grabbed the bat off the ground, heaving it over his head as if it weighed a metric ton. Kan T. screamed.

A single swipe knocked the Toad unconscious.

 

Fawful

 

The sun had risen fully by the time Fawful could see Peach's Castle in the distance.

Much like the castle in his homeland, this one was a large and towering stone structure that stood boldly tall above the houses of the surrounding city; however, unlike the one in his homeland that radiated a rustic and old fashioned class, this one attempted to be a symbol of benevolence and softness. The castle was made of warm, cream-coloured stone and was topped by pink spires. Beautiful gardens filled with sweet-smelling flowers covered the castle grounds, ornate lanterns engraved with twirling patterns dotted the walkways and walls, and soft pink tapestries bearing the symbol of the Mushroom Kingdom hung from several of the main windows. On the front wall of the castle's keep was a stained glass window bearing the visage of Princess Peach herself, presented in a bizarre display of narcissism that was almost certainly the desire of the Toads she ruled rather than that of the princess herself.

Fawful thought she should have the decency to _enjoy_ having her own face plastered around the walls of her home. Dumb, twinkly princesses and their _modesty._ Disgusting. They churned Fawful's stomach like creamy butter.

A muffled voice sounded from inside the sack the Bean carried, and Fawful made out the words "where" and "we".

He leaned close to the sack and patted the larger segment of the shape within. "The castle of Peach!" he answered, his loud voice carrying easily through the thick fabric. Fawful laughed as the Toad gasped and squirmed. "Do not have such excitement, red mushroom! Where we are going will not be pleasant for the soft little Toadie you are!"

Fawful scanned the area; though they had gotten through Toad Town with little trouble thanks to the Bean's hooded cloak and Toads' general idiocy, the castle itself was going to require a little more thought. They had to get through the gate, and without his Headgear it would not be possible to fly over it. He would have to go straight past the guards.

He could see them now—two Toads clad in white robes and each brandishing a spear. They were chatting idly to themselves, their expressions relaxed, but Fawful knew that if he tried to overpower them as he was now he could end up with a few more holes in his body than he would like.

He giggled; it was time to improvise.

His face covered by his hood, Fawful leapt in front of the two Toads and swept his hands through the air dramatically. " _I HAVE EXCITEMENT!_ "

One of the Toads screamed and jumped almost twice his height before falling to the ground unconscious. "Whoa!" the other Toad exclaimed, turning to look at his unconscious cohort. "Darn it, Soph! How are you even a guard?" He turned to Fawful and sighed, embarrassed. "Sorry about that. Dude is always fainting at everything."

"Everything?" Fawful repeated.

" _Everything._ Boo? Faints. Goomba? Faints. A leaf? You guessed it. One time his boyfriend showed up at work randomly and he was so nervous about us seeing them together he just dropped. Dude is a total … well, you know." Fawful chuckled and nodded. " _Aaaaanyway._ Who are you?"

"I am a salesman of greatness who is having much renown!" the Bean replied. "For days and nights I have slaved over the works of mine and created such wares that would make grown men squeal like tiny babies, and kingdoms fall with desperation to have the possession of them!"

The guard's eyes widened, amazed. "Wow … that sounds super awesome! What sorts of wares are we talking about here?"

" _Well!_ " Fawful presented one of the only two items he had with a flourish. "I show to you a bat of great awe, sculpted by my own hands!"

"Holy bonkers!" the Toad exclaimed, looking over the blunt instrument, its silver surface gleaming in the sunlight. "That does look like a really nice bat! What kind of metal is it made of?"

"Star-treated titanium superalloy."

" _Ooooo …_ "

"And that is not being all! This bat is also having a property of much remarkability! For you see, mushroom cap, if your head is being struck by this bat … your intelligence will inflate like an elastic balloon!"

" _Seriously?_ "

"YES!" Fawful shouted. "Behold!"

Without another word, he swung the bat and smashed it into the Toad's head, flinging him into the air and sending him falling back to the ground, completely unconscious along with his cohort.

As Fawful dragged the two hapless guards out of sight, Kan T. began to make a ruckus from inside the bag. "Hush! Have silence!" the Bean growled at him. "Your mushroom friends merely have the sleeping. They will wake soon and Fawful will have had the disappearing … along with you." His captive whined.

Carrying his two items still, Fawful opened the front doors to the castle and walked inside, then shut them with great effort. The Bean quietly snuck through the bright and colourful halls of the castle, being sure not to dirty up the patterned rugs that were laid on the ground and attract unwanted attention. Narrowly avoiding the few Toads that wandered the castle's interior, he turned down a hallway and found what he was looking for: a metal machine attached to the wall and adorned with a clean, golden gear mechanism.

Fawful's stomach suddenly sank as he realized he had completely neglected to build anything to use on the thing before him. "Gah!" he yelled in frustration, tugging at his tuft of hair. "Bad happenings! All of Fawful's plans and he did not build a mere ball?"

"Hi there!"

Fawful yelped and jumped, spinning around to the source of his surprise: a Toad, naturally. "T-Toad—!" he gasped.

"Yep! That's what I am." He patted his yellow-spotted cap, smiling all the while. "Welcome to Peach's Castle! I don't think I've seen you around before."

The Bean swallowed and breathed slowly, nodding. "Yes, I am only recently arriving here at this fruit castle! Unfortunately, I … I am not knowing the way." Striking a pitiable pose, he sighed deeply.

"Well I can point you wherever you want to go!"

Fawful grinned. "Peach's Castle sewers."

A look of revulsion passed across the Toad's face. " _Eeew._ Why _there?_ "

" _Welling …_ " He leaned in close and moved a hand to the side of his mouth, whispering, "Secret societies." The Toad raised his eyebrows. "Clubs of much exclusivity, meeting and playing in ways that would make your body tremble like frightened Boos … but with _excitement!_ "

The Toad fixed him with a suspicious look. "You're kidding." The teen shook his head insistently. "Okay smart guy— _I've_ never heard of these ' _clubs_ ' _._ How do _you_ know these things are down there?"

"I will tell you." Fawful reached behind him and dragged the writhing bag around. "This," he said, "is being a _magical bag!_ If you are asking it any question, it is having an answer!"

" _Any_ question?"

"Any question which your heart has the desiring of!"

After a moment's scrutiny, the Toad's face lit up. "Cool!"

He stepped in front of the bag and Fawful unzipped the opening just enough to allow Kan T.'s frightened voice to escape. "Yes, it has much coolness. It will answer _any_. _Question. Ever._ " The Bean tapped the bat harshly against the ground next to the opening, and the bag shivered. The yellow-spotted Toad took his place before it.

"Hey bag."

"Hi."

"How many fingers do I have?"

The bag was silent. Fawful tapped the bat again. "F-five!" the bag sobbed.

"Hey, that's right!" The Toad grinned. "Okay bag, next question! What is my favourite fruit?"

"Uh …" A distinct _gulp_ could be heard from within. "P … peach …?"

"That's right!" The Toad giggled. "Nothing better than food named after your princess, right?"

"… yes?"

Fawful whacked Kan T. with his bat and the latter gave a pitiful moan of pain. "Please have forgiveness. Sometimes this bag is answering questions which are not questions."

"Haha, no biggie!" The Toad rubbed his hands together and eyed the bag once more. "Okay bag, one last question for you." A tension fell between the three of them, and Fawful knew with some dread exactly what the question was going to be.

"What is … the _meaning of life?_ " Fawful sighed hung his head.

A few moments of painful silence followed, and a slight layer of sweat was beginning to collect on Fawful's palms. He tapped the bat on the ground, but still Kan T. would not answer. "Uh …" the boy said. "Perhaps that question is having too much difficul—"

"The question of the meaning of life is one that has plagued the minds of philosophers for generations," Kan T. suddenly blurted out at top speed, silencing Fawful immediately. "Despite the many daring efforts of thinkers Toad and Goomba, Koopa and Shy Guy, and all creatures under the sun, a unifying consensus has not been reached. Some attribute as a source of meaning a supernatural power, such as the two keepers of the Game Over'd, while others posit that existence itself carries inherent meaning which does not need to be justified logically or philosophically. However, in spite of all of these efforts, and directly contradictory to those who boldly claim that life has no meaning whatsoever, the truth of the matter is that the meaning of life lies not in some higher presence, and not in what we could call our 'souls', but instead lies in love—"

"Aww," the Toad cooed.

"—specifically the love of food. For it is only in the consumption of food that we are capable of enjoying life's greatest pleasures. Do you not remember the euphoria of a wonderful Kooky Cookie? Do your children not smile when presented with sweets? Food is also the source of how we may come to know evil—harken back to how your entire being recoils at the taste of spinach, or that weird thing your one kid found on the ground the other day that you totally told them not to eat but they did it anyway, and then they spent the rest of the week sick and not going to school, so they missed a really important test and their mark dropped so you had to go talk with the teacher who just wouldn't listen to a single word you said, so all the stress you're having is making you get funny looks at work and everyone just _has_ to comment on it all the time because nobody can ever mind their own business, and all the while every single person involved is just tormenting your poor wife who just never gets a darn break because you just _had_ to have so many children—!"

The words stopped flowing, and from inside the bag Kan T. was clearly gasping for breath. Several moments passed; Fawful and the Toad stranger stared at each other awkwardly.

"Yeah. So." Kan T. coughed loudly. "Food. There you go."

"Food?"

"Yes."

A confused and agitated look began to fall on the yellow Toad's face. "I … uh …"

Seizing his opportunity, Fawful quickly tied the bag closed and slung an arm around the Toad's shoulder. "That is being that! Now, I am requiring your assistance."

He blinked at the Bean, dazed. "What … what do you need?"

"I am needing entrance to sewers."

The Toad hesitated for a moment, then walked over to the wall and opened up a cabinet. "We uh … we use this." Reaching inside, he pulled out a device with great effort—it was a heavy gear about as large as his head.

Fawful snatched it out of his hands and placed the gear's teeth into the teeth of the golden gear on the wall, then pressed the button on the side; they spun automatically for a few seconds, their parts whirring and buzzing. A few seconds passed before a circular area on the floor began to move, opening up to reveal a blue Warp Pipe which jutted out of the ground.

"Happies!" the boy exclaimed. "Now at last, the destination of finality is upon us!" He turned to the Toad. "Yellow mushroom, close this pipe when I have the disappearing!" Without waiting for him to respond, Fawful ran across the width of the hall with his captive and weapon, and jumped down the pipe.

The Toad stood there for a few more seconds, then gazed at his palms, his heart pounding. "Uh … okay. Then I guess I'll go home and … eat some cake or something …"

He walked over to the gear mechanism, weighed down by fatigue and confusion.

 

* * *

 

As soon as they emerged from the pipe, their nostrils were hit with a vile stench that defies all family-friendly description. Fawful's face reflexively scrunched up, but it was Kan T. that had the more violent reaction—the Toad groaned loudly and recoiled, the bag bulging as he squirmed within it. A lurch and hiccup told Fawful he was holding something in as hard as he could.

"Your stomach is weak like feathers from a baby stork who is crying in his diapers!" the Bean spat at him. "And you are being the adult of the two of us? I am not believing you!"

He untied the rope and Kan T. stuck his head out, trying to hide his fear with a hard expression. "I know a n-nine year old kid who's taller than you, so—"

Fawful kicked him in the head.

Kan T. crawled out of the sack and the Bean made a threatening gesture with his bat. "You will stay at the side of Fawful at all times," he instructed, "or …" He swung the bat lightly through the air and grinned widely to finish his threat. Kan T. nodded, gulping.

The two of them walked through the sewers of Peach's Castle, an expansive set of underground chambers laid with dark blue stones and covered in cyan piping, the latter of which ran across the floors and up the walls. The light was extremely dim and every surface was slick with dampness and the occasional water droplet which fell to the ground from the ceiling above. A pervasive and heavy cold hung over the area and drew both travellers' limbs close to their own bodies, Fawful wrapping his cloak around himself for some slight warmth. The cold, the dampness, and the sickening smell all swathed over them and seemed to curl across their skin; Kan T. visibly shuddered and was holding his breath for long intervals.

A number of Goombas roamed the underground as well, their spongy skin darkened after continued exposure to the unpleasant environment. As the two of them walked the Goombas eyed them warily, hungrily; Fawful wondered for the first time how many coins Kan T. had on his person and considered stealing them to pay off any potential muggers.

 _Later,_ he decided.

The two of them stepped to a lower level and found the particular pipe Fawful was looking for—the entrance was blocked by silver bars much like the rest, but it suspiciously did not drain any fluids. Fawful began to poke and prod around the bars, knowing that one should be looser than the others …

Aha! The Bean jangled one of the bars and pried it loose. "Victory!" he declared.

"How do you even know about this? Where are we going?"

Fawful gave a satisfied smirk. "To home."

"… what?"

The villain dragged his Toad captive through the piping, the latter complaining loudly about the smell, his voice echoing down the pipes and into the distance. Fawful was about to give him a swift jab with his bat before a sight began to catch his eye.

There was dirt on the floor of the pipe.

Fawful frowned; that was odd. He had always kept this particular pipe spotlessly clean and closed off from the rest of what the castle sent through here. Despite this, dirt and grime were mucking up his shoes as he walked.

A sinking feeling began to take hold of the green teen; no. _No,_ it couldn't possibly mean—

He turned a corner and his mouth dropped open in shock.

A hallowed out room sat underneath the surface of the sewers, expansive and expertly carved into the surrounding stone. Fawful knew this place existed, but what he had not been prepared for was what he would find there:

Absolutely nothing.

"Please don't tell me _this_ is where we're staying." Kan T. walked past the boy and ran his finger up one of the walls, his finger squeaking as it slid across the damp, dark stone bricks. "There's nothing here! Where are we going to sleep?"

Fawful stepped forward on shaking legs, his eyes wide as the emptiness of his former hideaway was laid out before him. "No!" he yelled, his voice coming back at him several times as it bounced off the walls. "No no no no! This cannot be!" The boy clenched his fists, quivering with rage and bearing his teeth as if his glare alone could light up the room. He trudged across the space and smacked a fist hard against the wall. "It is gone! All gone!"

"What's gone?"

Fawful spun to face the Toad suddenly, heart pounding. "Fawful's Bean 'n' Badge!"

" _What?_ "

"My shop! A cozy home within the sewers which shone like a candle in the darkness of Fawful's deepest despairing! The house of tranquility which quelled the fury and lifted the fog of rage from my eyes, a shop of badges where the payment was not coins, but beans! The wonderful food, like … like treasure milked from a famous cow made of jewels!" Then Fawful shook his head wildly and sputtered. "Gack! I am repeating my similes!"

"You know you do that?"

The Bean grasped Kan T. by the shoulders and shook him wildly. "Fawful tires of your words! All is gone, taken by thieves, their fingers greedy as hungry mice stealing the cheese of Fawful's hopes! Badges, beans, bed, and …" A realization occurred to him. He released the Toad, who stumbled around dizzily. " _Weapons._ "

Fawful began to pace the empty space, his hand under his chin. "Yes. Badges, beans, the very clothes on Fawful's back … all are trivial to Fawful's plans in comparison to weapons. I must find weapons. Or if not weapons, then …"

The teen spun around to address Kan T. and snapped his fingers. "Loyal toady!" he said. "We must have departure from this place with great haste! Even now, our hated enemies are sipping the warm soup of tranquility, scoffing at the ones who are us and the squalor we are living in!"

The Toad slumped against the wall, moaning and gripping his temples. "Where?" he sighed pitifully. "Where are you taking me next?"

Fawful grinned. "To technology."

 

Gadd

 

Somewhere, a _ping!_ sounded out, clear as day.

"Ah!" The old, tiny man snapped to attention at the noise, which chimed above the constant, steady whir of his bustling home. Placing both of his feet onto the side of the desk he was hunched over, he pushed off of it; wheels squeaked and bumped as his chair rolled down the hall past innumerable other little devices and knick-knacks, some sitting on their own, others plugged into a variety of power outlets. Once he reached the room which contained the source of the sound he stopped the chair with his feet.

"Heh heh heh!" he chuckled, stretching as he stood up. "It's the little things, isn't it? There's no reason being an old feller has keep me from enjoying them!"

Professor Elvin Gadd walked into the room, and his feet moved from carpeted metal to slick, brown wood; in contrast to the metallic décor of the rest of his house, the guest room was much more inviting, and cozier too. "Yep, the little things," E. Gadd muttered to himself. "Zipping around on a swivel chair, playing the odd video game …" He crossed the warmly lit room and approached a large metal machine adorned with a variety of buttons, a tray underneath them all which was clearly meant for cups and mugs. The man took a cup from the nearby cupboard and pressed one of the buttons—hot, steaming liquid drained from the opening below it and into the cup.

" … and having a hot cup of coffee," he finished. E. Gadd shuffled over to his couch and sat down, taking the remote and turning on his television. Nothing too sophisticated was on at the moment—available stations included science channels, a couple cartoon networks, and a news report on the upcoming festivities to be held in Hollyville. Eventually he settled on one of his favourite physics shows, which was doing a special on time travel. "Could'a wrote the book on that one," he giggled to himself. He supposed other kingdoms mustn't have gotten wind of the Shroob incident. Just as well, he supposed—it would have been awkward to explain.

Leaning back to relax, he took a sip of the cup. " _Aah~_ " he sighed contently. "Teehee blend." Then he frowned, looking into the liquid settling in the cup. "Huh. I didn't know I still had Beanbean Kingdom coffee beans. Strange."

The scientist swirled the coffee, smelling the homey aroma, his mind travelling back to times long past. "It's been a little while since we've seen hide or hair of anyone from the Beanbean Kingdom at all, come to think of it. Not since that incident with the blorbs way back when that bizarre boy started handing out Mushrooms. I wonder how they're doing over there."

The bell on his front door rang, a prolonged jingle that sounded from speakers across his entire house. "Eh?" E. Gadd said, raising an eyebrow to himself. "It's not often I get many visitors!" He got out of his chair and walked the length of the house's entranceway, coffee in hand. "Wonder who it is?"

He opened the door and dropped his coffee to the ground.

"A greeting of warmth and welcome to you!" boomed a high-pitched voice past a set of grinning teeth. "Your home is now belonging to Fawful!"

The old man turned and bolted into the house as the Bean charged inside,  dragging a male Toad in one hand and a steel bat in the other.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy Final Fantasy XV Day!
> 
> oh wait
> 
> Anyway, those of you who are (like me) nursing all the horrible delay wounds can have at least some small silver lining to look forward to: reading Chapter 3 of my new fic! Shoorah.
> 
> Once again: humour. Humour is the name of the game. This chapter does not have much in the way of events, but I tried to make it funny. Chapter 4 should be similar fare once I'm done writing and editing it. Chapter 5 is when stuff really will kick off, I promise. I do!
> 
> Anywho, hope you enjoy more silly Beanish shenanigans!

**Author's Note:**

> For more information on this work and what to expect from it as it moves forward, check out my journal(s) on the subject at http://darkmarxsoul.deviantart.com/.


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